


I Don't Want Your Body (But I hate to think about you with somebody else)

by PrinceSkylar



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), DCeased (DC Comics)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Dick Grayson, Denial of Feelings, Feelings Realization, Fighting, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Getting Together, Jealousy, Kissing, Language, M/M, Mild Smut, Miscommunication, Roy and Wally are good buds, Roy is so tired, boys being dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:20:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26871286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceSkylar/pseuds/PrinceSkylar
Summary: Dick had known from the beginning that this whole "no strings attached" situation he had with Jason would be a disaster. But he was always a glutton for punishment, it seems.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd
Comments: 9
Kudos: 273





	I Don't Want Your Body (But I hate to think about you with somebody else)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back on my DC bullshit. This has been in my drafts for a year so, might as well put it somewhere.

To call whatever the two of them had a “relationship” would be a lie, and an awful one at that. Because really, they weren’t dating. They weren’t together. Jason had made that  _ entirely  _ clear the first time they fell into bed together a year and a half ago. They weren’t exclusive and while Jason seemed to be more than okay with that being their status entirely, it drove Dick absolutely insane. That being said, he bit his tongue whenever the idea of getting serious passed through his mind, the knowledge that Jason would despise the idea keeping him chained down to his silence. 

It was almost maddening, really. They met up whenever they could, sometimes for days at a time, and sometimes for an hour or two just to get it out of their systems. They kissed. They  _ fucked  _ and then if Dick so much as uttered something close to  _ love  _ when they were out of their hormone induced hazes, Jason would snarl and grumble at him until he dropped it entirely. Which, if you knew Jason, wasn’t anything new but in this context it  _ hurt  _ and made Dick want to shove his fist through a wall. But, to do that would be starting a fight that he knew he wouldn’t win and, maybe, Dick was just desperate enough for Jason’s affection that he’d take whatever was given to him.

A key part of them not being an item was the fact that Dick had all the rights to sleep around with whoever he wanted, no need to ask permission or anything else. At first this was something he could tolerate because hey, he knew other people that were just as eager to fall into bed with him as Jason was and that was  _ okay.  _ For a while, at least.

But Kori’s hands had never felt quite as strong on his wrists as Jason’s did. And Wally’s voice whispering filth in his ear never really made him shudder and writhe the way Jason’s did and when Dick realized that, it drove him insane. 

“You’re thinking too much again.” Wally’s hand lightly slapped at his bare shoulder, jolting him back to reality just a little.

Dick scoffed and rolled his eyes, sighing as he shifted to lay on his back, the bed sheets tangling in his legs. “I am not.”

“Uh, yeah, you are.” Wally sat up and Dick watched him, eyeing the trail of freckles that danced down Wally’s shoulders and back. “You’ve got that frown on your face, the  _ Jason _ frown.”

“Oh, it has a name now.” Dick mused with a frown, bringing a hand up to rub his face a little bit. He ached a bit but that was the price that came with fucking a speedster, he was sure. Wally could go until Dick was entirely out of his mind with pleasure. Vaguely, he was a little ticked off that Wally hadn’t done that this time. Ah, but they didn’t have the time for that today. 

Dick sat up and sighed, leaning over to kiss his best friend’s cheek. Wally rolled his eyes a little bit, a soft sigh passing his lips as he watched Dick get up and start looking for his clothes. Dark marks, bruises and hickies, littered Dick’s chest and shoulders and neck. Hell, even his thighs. “Jay gonna get pissy about the marks I left on you?”

Dick threw a frown over his shoulder, before he tugged his shirt on. “You know he won’t.” But then again, Dick wasn’t too sure about that these days. It always seemed like the more marks Dick got from other lovers, the rougher Jason got, the more  _ intense  _ it got between the two of them. As if Jason was  _ jealous _ . “Don’t worry about it, Wally. If it was a problem I wouldn’t have let you do it.”

“Yeah, uh huh.” Wally gave a small shake of his head, tearing his green eyes away from Dick as the man pulled his boxers and pants back on. “You know, something’s gotta give at some point, Dick.”

Dick paused, for just a moment, and then sighed a little bit as he made his way across Wally’s bedroom, gathering his socks and shoes. “What do you mean?”

“With you and him.” Wally replied with a shrug his friend didn’t see. “It’s been, what, almost two years since you guys started this thing? It was all fun and games in the beginning but you know it can’t just...always be like this.”

“I know.” Dick mumbled. A part of him really hated how much Wally worried about him. It was sweet, almost too sweet. It made him feel like maybe he could have had something with him, something more than just a few quick fucks when he was bored and lonely. 

“Dick.” Wally was up now, tugging on his boxers before he crossed his arms over his chest, meeting Dick’s gaze when those blue eyes finally turned his way again. “I’m serious. I  _ know  _ you and I know you love him, but he apparently doesn’t love you back if it’s been this long and nothing has changed.”

“Christ, Wally, I didn’t come over for a therapy session.” Dick growled a little as he tore his gaze away. It was hard to be upset though when he knew Wally was right, when those green eyes were watching him with such pity and worry. 

“Yeah, no shit.” Wally spat out. “You came over for a quick fuck to try and piss off the guy that doesn’t even love you back, like you’re somehow gonna unleash years worth of feelings in him that he doesn’t even have.”

Wally had known about Dick’s feelings for Jason longer than anyone else. He’d been the first one to voice his disapproval when he finally found out about Dick and Jason’s little agreement, worried for Dick’s heart that everyone knew was always too soft for its own good. In a way Wally had almost been an anchor in all of this, telling Dick what he knew he needed to hear and not what he wanted to hear. Kori was the same way, but never as blunt. Bless her heart, really, but Dick could always get away with a little more with her. Wally, though...Wally was better at reading him than almost anyone else, even if Dick hated it. 

There was a long silence in which Dick kept his eyes glued to the floor, fists clenched, before Wally finally sighed and made his way over to him. His arms slipped around Dick’s waist and before Dick had a chance to say anything, Wally was kissing him like their lives depended on it, all eager tongue and nipping teeth. It made Dick a little weak in the knees and he groaned softly, one hand flying up to grab onto the other's bicep to stay steady. But then Wally pulled away much too quickly, green eyes sadder than Dick would have preferred them to be in this situation, and he pressed his forehead to Dick’s with a gentleness that made his heart stutter. 

“I just want you to be happy, Dick.” Wally mumbled softly, thumbs slipping under Dick’s shirt to rub circles in his hips. “There’s so many other people you could be with. People who love you and who want to make you happy.”

Dick arched an eyebrow. “Like you?”

Wally cracked a smile and rolled his shoulders a little. “Maybe, you never know. We make a pretty hot couple, if I do say so myself.”

Wally’s goofy grin that followed made Dick snort, gently shoving him away as he shook his head. “You’re dumb.” He mumbled, raking his fingers through his hair. “Look. I know you’re worried Wally, I get it. And...I appreciate everything you do for me. The advice, the comfort, the sex, the...the fucking late nights I show up here just to cry. I appreciate it more than anything...but please just...let me deal with this, okay?”

_ Let me find out myself. Let me make him say it to my face. _

Wally made no attempt to hide how much he wanted to argue, nose crinkled up adorably as he frowned, once again crossing his arms. But thankfully, he didn’t argue and Dick made the mental note to thank whatever god existed for that. “Alright....just...take care of yourself. Okay?”

“I will, Wally.” Dick felt around in his pockets, found his keys. “I’ll call you later, okay? Gotta run.”

He was already late for the hang out Jason had invited him over for that was supposed to be an hour ago. This, of course, was a calculated move that Dick already felt guilty for as he got into his car and started the drive to Jason’s place. He knew that Jason had called him over for their usual, casual routine. They’d watch movies. Order some food. Then they’d fuck all night and the next morning Jason would be a hissy and bitchy mess and Dick would force up a smile, murmur a goodbye, and leave. He knew that Jason would be irritated that he was late in general, but being late because he was fucking someone else?

Dick felt like an idiot with the hope that Jason would be jealous, that he’d finally  _ say  _ something. Wishful thinking never got him anywhere in life.

It was almost nine at night when Dick finally pushed open Jason’s apartment door, the smell of popcorn invading his senses as he kicked his shoes off in the entrance. The TV was turned down as Dick strode into the living room and he felt his heart skip a beat, just a little, when he locked eyes with Jason.

Jason was reclined on the couch, half empty bowl of popcorn on his lap, hair a tousled mess that told Dick he had been in bed most of the day. His lips were curved down in a small frown as he raised an eyebrow at Dick, popping a piece of popcorn in his mouth and chewing slowly. “Lose track of time, Big Bird?”

Dick scowled a little bit, flopping onto the couch next to him and snatching the popcorn away. “Got caught up with something.” He didn’t miss the way Jason’s eyes fell to a hickie he knew that poked out from his shirt collar, a big one that he knew Wally had put there just to be a menace. He pretended not to notice the way Jason noticed him shuddering under his gaze. 

“More like some _ one. _ ” Jason drawled and reached over, jabbing the hickie a little roughly. “Wally, I’m guessing?”

Dick hummed softly, the lie tumbling from his lips before he could stop himself. “No. Just some guy I met earlier while I was out.” He knew he was hoping just a little too much, but he was  _ looking  _ for something…

_ There! _ The slight narrowing of Jason’s eyes, the way his fist clenched just for a second as he pulled his hand away from Dick. It was a look that Dick only saw a few times, had convinced himself he was crazy when he thought he saw the same expression when Jason had eyed the scratches down Dick’s chest that he’d gotten from Kori months ago. He desperately wanted to believe that maybe deep down, underneath all of this strong and macho talk, Jason was jealous. Jason cared. He  _ had _ to. 

“You left me waiting just for some random guy you met?” Jason shook his head, scoffing as he looked back at the TV. “Nice. You could at least give a guy a warning next time.”

“Will do.” Dick had absolutely no intentions of doing so. 

The air was suddenly tense but Dick wasn’t a quitter, especially when it came to Jason and his mean streak. He could match Jason’s irritable stubbornness on a normal day, so when it came to nights like this, Dick found his own irritation being fueled by Jason’s sour attitude. 

They were just a bad match like that, he supposed. He was the gasoline to Jason’s fire, but somehow Dick almost craved to be burned over and over. 

“Was he a good fuck?” To anyone else Jason’s voice would have sounded calm and steady, but Dick had known him for far too long. He couldn’t miss the icy drip to the man’s words, and he suddenly felt like he was walking on ice. Like one wrong action would send him plummeting down into the cold depths of Jason’s wrath. A part of him was thrilled to get this attention because it was better than none, after all. At least when Jason was upset all of his attention was on Dick, and not on whatever raced through his head when they were together. 

Dick shrugged, a movement he meant to look casual. “Yeah, actually. Great fuck. He had strong hands.” He popped a piece of popcorn in his mouth and smiled over at Jason. “I’m a sucker for strong hands, you know? He knew how to use them just right, too. Almost thought I was with you for a second back there.”

Jason snorted and when he moved, it was almost too quick for Dick to react. The popcorn was shoved to the floor and Dick was being yanked into Jason’s lap, the other’s grip on his hips hard enough to bruise. “Trust me, Dickie, you know when I’m the one fucking you; I make sure you don’t forget it.”

Dick was down right embarrassed by the shudder that ran down his spine and he bit the inside of his cheek, forcing his expression to remain uninterested. “Easy, Jay. You almost sound jealous.”

“Why would I be jealous?” Jason mumbled, his teeth latching onto Dick’s neck. Dick gasped sharply as those teeth dug into his neck and then Jason snorted, licking the bitten area gently. “You aren’t my fucking boyfriend, Dick. I’m just saying that you shouldn’t go comparing the way I fuck you to the way anyone else fucks you or it’ll drive you crazy.”

_ Oh, if only you knew _ . Dick kept his mouth shut, jolting and then full on grinding his hips down into Jason’s lap as he felt the other’s fingers slip under his shirt, nails digging into tan skin. Jason had never been pleased with silence, though, and it took mere seconds for him to have Dick out of his shirt and writhing in his lap, Jason’s lips attached to his nipple. 

Dick’s fingers flew up to tangle in Jason’s hair and he let a soft moan escape his lips. Jason’s lips and teeth played with his nipple without mercy, biting and tugging before he was sucking gently, easing the pain with swipes of his tongue that had Dick’s hips rolling slowly, movement restrained by the tight jeans he always insisted on wearing. Damn his fashion sense, dear god.

“See?” Jason spoke against his chest, moving over to swipe his tongue across Dick’s collarbone just to draw another shudder from him. “You’re already whining and grinding into me. Who else does it that fast for you, Dick? Huh?”

He didn’t want an answer but Dick was never one to give up too easily, and if being a jealous jerk was the only way Jason would let his feelings seep through, he’d do whatever he had to do to get more of it. He sucked in a breath, willing the blush from his face as he choked out a scoff. “Wally does it pretty good, actually. Faster than you, usually, too.”

Jason’s grip on his hips tightened and when his narrowed eyes met his, Dick let a satisfied smirk tug at his lips. “Aw, did that bruise your ego, Little Wing?” He cooed, leaning in to press a kiss to Jason’s frowning lips. “Want me to lie to you instead and tell you that you’re the best lay I’ve had in my life? That no one compares to you?”

“I want you to shut that mouth of yours before I find a better use for it.” Jason snarled, a hand flying up to twist his fingers into Dick’s hair, tugging his head back until Dick was gasping sharply. “Smart ass. You show up late to our movie night and just start babbling about some random mother fucker you put out for before coming over? Shitty manners, Dick.”   
Dick scowled right back at him, the tight grip on his hair making his cock jump in his pants. “You’re pretty touchy tonight, Jay.”

“And you’re a brat.” 

“Thought you liked when I was a brat?”

Jason’s hand fell from his hair and both came down to grab onto Dick’s thighs, hoisting him up as he stood up and headed for the bedroom. “You’re not cute when you’re a brat, you know.”

“I’m always cute.” Dick retorted, dipping his head to press a kiss just under Jason’s jaw.

Jason stiffened, sucking in a sharp breath that Dick didn’t miss. They were in the room in record time, Jason kicking the door shut behind them and tossing Dick onto the unmade bed. Dick propped himself up on his elbows, watching as Jason pulled his shirt off.

Jason’s body never failed to make Dick weak, all broad shoulders and those thick, gorgeous thighs. He would have been content just like this, watching Jason strip down in front of him forever, no need to worry about things like  _ feelings  _ as more of that beautiful skin was revealed to him. But Jason stripped down faster than anyone else, prowling towards the bed like a predator, hands yanking Dick's jeans down his legs and throwing them across the room. “If you're gonna act like a brat, I'm gonna fuck you like one.”

A small part of him felt guilty for riling Jason up when, really, the original plan had been a casual meet up where there would be no need to piss each other off for a good fuck. But his desire to drag more than just the desire to fuck from Jason outweighed the guilt and he couldn't stop himself from snorting as Jason tugged his boxers down as well. “Maybe I'm not in the mood anymore after earlier.”

“Your cock says otherwise.” Jason's hand wrapped around his dick and ripped a moan from his lips. “See? You're already so hard for me, Dick. Or do you get this hard this fast for everyone, like the slut you are?”

“Fuck…” Dick tilted his head back, lip caught between his teeth for a second before he looked back down to lock eyes with a smug, smirking Jason. “Stop talking and fuck me if you're gonna do it. Unless you plan on continuing this jealous speech all night.”

Jason frowned again and his hand moved away, instead gripping onto Dick's hip. “There you go saying that again.” He drug Dick down the bed, and the other didn't miss the way his eyes lingered for a moment too long on the hickies scattered around his chest. “I'm not jealous.”

“Right.” Dick snorted a little, leaning up to kiss up Jason's throat. “That why you always get so prickly when I show up all marked up? Seems pretty jealous to me, Little Wing.”

Jason's hand came up and shoved him, roughly, in the chest to put some distance between them. “I already told you I don't care who you're fucking. You're being weird.”

“ _ I'm  _ being weird?” He scoffed, a frown forming on his lips. “You're the one that gets all intense and pissed off whenever someone leaves a fucking  _ bruise  _ on me. That sort of screams jealous, you know.”

“Stop using that word!” Jason hissed. “I'm not jealous of anything! Or anyone, for that matter! Any man would get a little ticked off when the person they shack up with started bragging about how good someone else is in bed! It wounds a guy's ego.”

“Sure.” With a roll of his eyes Dick sat up, draping his arms around Jason's shoulders as he braced himself for his dive into dangerous waters. “It's okay to be jealous, you know...to admit it, even.”

And  _ that  _ was probably the worst thing to say.

“Christ, Dick.” Jason shrugged his arms off of him and leaned back again, scowling heavily. “Why are you being so weird?”

“ _ I'm  _ being weird?” Dick hissed back at him, sitting up and scowling right back at him. “You're the one being weird! You've  _ been  _ weird for months! Every time I get all bruised up, or even talk about what I do with other people you get like  _ this _ !” 

“Like what?” 

“Pissed off, and you act like you have something to prove!” Dick's fists clenched in the bedsheets. “You act like some angry  _ boyfriend _ or something, and if you're jealous then its fine!” Things had never really escalated like this, Dick realized. By now Jason would be two fingers deep in him, not scowling and looking one wrong word away from tossing him out.

“How many times do I have to say that I'm not jealous?!” Jason snarled. “I don't  _ care  _ who you sleep with!”

“Well then take the hint and figure out that I want you to!” Dick didn't mean to shout, he really didn't. But he did, and the second the words tumbled from his lips he saw Jason recoil back a little in a way that almost reminded him of a startled animal. 

This, he knew, was  _ not  _ how this conversation should have been started. 

For a moment neither of them moved and Dick hoped that a hole would open up and devour him so he could avoid this entirely. Purposefully riling Jason up was one thing, but bringing this up out of the blue when he knew it was something Jason refused to touch on was...an entirely different story. All he had to do was shut up and have sex, the same as always. Shut up and bite back whatever sappy, romantic words wanted to bubble past his lips just like he’d done for the past year and a half. But here he was, fucking up their carefully crafted system just because he’d gotten hopeful, had assumed that maybe Jason felt just a little bit the same as he did.

Jason’s frown deepened as he finally tore his gaze away, scoffing but not saying anything. It made something angry twist in Dick’s gut and he sighed heavily, shaking his head as he put more space between the both of them. “You’re not gonna say anything?”

“What do you want me to say?” Jason muttered, raising an eyebrow as he carefully glanced back at him. One of his fists, Dick noticed, were clenched in the sheets. “You can’t just drop something like that and expect me to know what to say.”

“Tell me you care, maybe?” Dick spat out. He could feel his hands shaking and he hated all of it. “Or tell me you don’t. Tell me something so I know what the fuck to do, Jason.”

“Why do I have to say anything at all?” Jason demanded through a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose for a second. “We had a good thing going here, Dick, and now you’re throwing around feelings and making it weird! I told you when we started this that this wasn’t serious! You can do whatever you want, and whoever you want, and I don’t care! Whatever delusional ideas you have about me being jealous are insane because I don’t give a crap, Dick.”

Somehow, hearing it now in this context hurt more than it did the first time Jason had murmured it to him so long ago. Dick grit his teeth behind his lips and, when Jason reached for him as if to resume their previous activities, he slapped the younger’s hand away and got off the bed in record time. He heard Jason sputter for a second.

“Dick, what are you doing?”

“Leaving.” Dick mumbled as he pulled his boxers back on, and then reached for his jeans. “I can’t keep doing this, Jason; it’s driving me insane.”

Jason was off the bed now and stomped over, grabbing Dick’s arm and whirling him around so that they were facing each other. He looked stunned, like he’d never once considered the idea that a fight would bring an end to this thing they had. They fought all the time, after all. “Dick-”

“ _ Don’t. _ ” Dick ripped his arm away and took a step back, eyes narrowing a little. His stomach was twisting sickly, as if he’d throw up. God, he prayed he wouldn’t. “I...I can’t keep doing this, Jason. I’m losing my mind comparing you to everyone else, just like you said! But I can’t stop doing it because no matter who I’m with, I always picture you! It’s always you I want to be near, that I want to touch and feel and kiss and fuck and...and I’ve wanted to do all those things with you for years, Jason. Years!”

Jason flinched back a little, watching Dick pull his jeans on. “You agreed to this no strings bullshit, so why are you getting ticked off at me all of a sudden?”

“Because it was the only way I could do this with you to begin with!” Dick shouted, throwing his hands up in exasperation for a second. “I saw my chance to do this with you and I took it! I was fine with thinking you just wanted to fuck me and you didn’t care, but then you started acting like you cared! All the kissing in the mornings, the way you look at me and the way you get so worked up whenever someone other than you touches me! I thought those were all signs and you just didn’t want to say it openly! I thought I could work it out of you and everything would be fine! I thought you loved me back!”

Jason flinched again, the shock of hearing the word “ _ love _ ” freezing him to the spot. It sparked a wave of anger in Dick and he stormed out of the bedroom, marching over to snatch his shirt off of the living room floor. Despite the anger that was twisting around in his gut he felt like he’d cry and...well, he didn’t want to do that. Not now. Not in front of Jason, at least. He didn’t even know what he expected in the first place. It had all been wishful thinking, every single second he spent praying that Jason’s lingering looks meant more than just...animalistic lust. God, he was such an idiot. 

“Dick, it’s ten at night.” Jason had pulled his sweats on, hurrying out after him. Dick couldn’t really place the expression the other wore, but it looked close to worried. Maybe. He could have been imagining that. “Are you really gonna fucking drive all the way home this late?”

“What do you care?” Dick hissed, shoving past the other. “I can’t be here. I...I can’t even look at you.”

“Yeah, you’re pissed off, I get it!” Jason hissed. “But that doesn’t mean you should just leave in the middle of the-”

“I’m not pissed off, I’m  _ sad _ !” Dick whirled around again, finally feeling the humiliating feeling of tears stinging his eyes. Jason faltered, always thrown off his game whenever anyone close to him cried in front of him. Dick’s hand flew up to wipe at his eyes and this time when he spoke, his voice was unsteady, as if he’d burst into hysterics any second. “I’m so fucking  _ sad _ and I...I just want you to love me back. I waited and waited because I’m such a fucking idiot and I really thought I meant something to you. I...I can’t look at you because it hurts, Jason...I can’t keep doing this. It’s  _ done. _ I can’t keep sleeping with you and acting like it’s not driving me crazy. I...I’m not  _ strong enough  _ to keep faking it.”

He watched Jason’s fists clench and then the younger cleared his throat, eyeing Dick in a way that made him feel like a foolish little kid. “That’s it, then? Our system is done and you’re gonna leave and what, act like this never happened?”

Dick scoffed, all traces of humor gone. “Unless you want me.” Because he knew that if Jason said it, if Jason just told him to stay and told him he cared, Dick would never leave again. 

But Jason’s expression remained hard, unreadable. Defensive, maybe, and his voice was painstakingly even when he spoke. “I can’t say that to you.”

Dick sucked in a sharp breath, though really, what had he been expecting? He didn’t even have a response to that and he nodded, silently, and left the apartment in a hurry. He wanted to cry. He wanted to slam his face into a wall. He wanted to do both, really. A rational part of his brain told him to call Wally or Kori, to go see one of them so that he wasn’t stewing in his emotions alone. But he couldn’t face them now, not when he could already envision the pitiful looks they’d give him. So, he’d go home alone.

* * *

The rate at which the night fell apart knocked the air from Jason’s lungs and the second the front door closed behind Dick, he found himself collapsing into the couch with his face buried in his hands. Fuck.

_ FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuck! _

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. The plan was supposed to be a movie and sex, just like they always did. But then Dick came over with those  _ marks  _ and Jason was stupid enough to let his emotions get a little too out of control. He told himself months ago that it was safer for the both of them like this, for them to be unattached to each other during this whole thing. Jason was supposed to be able to handle that, but being  _ jealous  _ had never been a part of the system or plan. Once the jealousy seeped it’s way into his skin, though, it was too late and it took all he had to push his affection to the back of his mind and continue on like always. Fuck, but Dick was always a masochist when it came to feelings and emotions and the crueler Jason was, the more he seemed to try and rip those reactions from him. Fuck, how had Jason not seen the other’s feelings in the first place? Things wouldn’t have escalated this far. Hell, he would have stopped this whole thing sooner if he had known Dick’s bratty flirting was more than just a way to make their sex better. It wasn’t like he planned to toy with Dick’s heart anyways!

The silence of his apartment was deafening. He shouldn’t have let Dick leave. Driving when you were upset was always bad and he should have gone after him, but his legs didn’t want to work. Great. Just great. Dick had all but spewed his heart out to him and all Jason could do was stare at him like a deer in the headlights and ruin the only good thing they had going for them. They were working with this. Now it was all ruined and all Jason could do was sit and sulk. 

Awesome. 

He didn’t remember falling asleep, but when his eyes opened and sought out the clock on the wall, it was nearing eleven in the morning. Late for him, really. He sucked in a breath and forced himself to sit up, reaching for his phone on the coffee table. There were no messages which...well, didn’t surprise him at all. But he had hoped that just maybe Dick would have at least sent him something. An apology Jason didn’t deserve. A message at least letting him know Dick had gotten home safe. But there was nothing. That made him feel entirely uneasy. 

He took his time getting ready for the day, lingering in the shower. Usually whenever Dick stayed over, if Jason could will himself to stay nice for that long, Dick’s shower singing would wake Jason up and it would make something in his chest flutter. It was different now. Silent. Too silent, really, like the days when he’d kick Dick out first thing in the morning when his own irritation was too much to handle. When he needed to be alone before he slipped up and let Dick know he wanted him to stay.

_ Fuck it,  _ He decided. If Dick was gonna ignore him then that was fine. Hell, he deserved it anyways, and there was a high chance Dick would just end up crawling back to him in a few days anyways. Because he always did. Because Dick craved love and affection almost more than anyone else Jason knew.

But to his surprise, and maybe disappointment, a few days turned into a week. And then two weeks. And suddenly it had been a month since he heard from Dick at all, and to say he was worried would have been a gross understatement. They hadn’t gone this long without some form of contact in...a long time, and neither Wally or Kori seemed too eager to share any information with him when he asked them, either. Which he expected, really. He was sure Wally and Kori weren’t too happy with him right now anyways. Kori, at least, was a bit nicer about it than Wally and had told him that Dick probably just needed to be alone, and that if she heard anything she’d let Jason know. Bless her heart, really. 

So Jason tried to fill his time by bothering his best friend, much to Roy’s dismay.

“You do know you can just call him yourself, right?” Roy was, without a doubt, the most reliable one when it came to telling Jason what he  _ needed  _ to hear. Even if Jason hated it. “Like, you have a phone. A couple phones, if I remember, and you have his number, too.”

Jason scowled from his spot on Roy’s couch, watching the redhead brush out Lian’s hair like the loving father he was. “I doubt he’d answer me if I called.”

“Maybe.” Roy agreed with a small shrug of his shoulders. He finished up Lian’s hair and kissed her head, smiling as the little girl darted away to go back to her room. Then he looked back at Jason, smile faltering as he went over and sat down next to him. “You could also just go to his place, too. Have a face to face conversation like adults. Those are always nice.”

“He doesn’t want to see me.” Jason reminded him, looking back at the TV. Some action movie was on, one he hadn’t seen before. “It’s been like, a month and he hasn’t gotten a hold of me so obviously, he’s avoiding me.”

“Jason, I love you but you’re an idiot.” Roy shook his head as he reached for the TV remote and started looking through the channels. “He told you he’s been in love with you this whole time and stormed out, and you think he doesn’t want to see you? He does want to see you, but he isn’t going to come see you because he thinks you don’t feel the same way.” He held up his free hand when Jason opened his mouth, shooting him a sharp glare. “Which you  _ do,  _ Jason. That isn’t anything new, you’ve been head over heels for him since you started fucking him. You just can’t use your brain and think to tell him that.”

Jason rolled his eyes and tilted his head back against the back of the couch. “He can do a thousand times better than me, Roy. He’s like...he’s  _ Dick. _ He’s too good for me and he’s just being stupid, throwing around his feelings like this.”

“God, Jay, we’re all too old for this crap.” Roy set the remote down after settling on another movie, an animated one. He shifted to face Jason fully, sighing tiredly. “Look, I can sit here and humor you all day. Tell you that yeah, he’s too good for you and you’re awful and all that other shit you keep trying to convince yourself of. But I’m not going to because frankly, it’s tiring. We aren’t kids or teenagers anymore, Jason. You can’t keep doing this shit and then sulk when Dick finally has enough of it. He’s a grown man and he can make his own choice about who he wants to be with.”

Jason was scowling again and Roy sighed again, expression softening just a little. “Jay, I get that you’re scared you’ll scare him off or hurt him. I  _ get  _ that. But he knows you. He knows what you’re like. He knew all of that before you two started sleeping together, which means he knew it before he fell for you and it didn’t change how he felt for you. He’s always there for you and...shit, Jay. You know Dick. You know that when he loves someone, it isn’t half assed. He’s gonna make it work. He’s gonna do anything he can to make it work as long as the other person tries to make it work, too. You know he isn’t going to dump you over issues beyond your control...but he’s only human. He can only take so much of this emotional rollercoaster you guys are on until it’s too much.”

Jason’s scowl melded into a frown, uneasy and a little unsure. “I just thought it would work with what we had; he didn’t seem to have a problem sleeping with other people.”

Roy shrugged. “Yeah, but he only really slept with Wally or Kori, both of which are people who he’s either dated or who want to date him. People who love him and don’t hide the fact that they do. Sure, he might fuck a few strangers here and there but is that any better? Letting him fuck his twisted up feelings away? You obviously don’t like that he’s sleeping with other people anymore. It makes you jealous and you get mean when you’re jealous and that can’t be good for either of you, either. Angry sex...sure, you fuck him enough to make him forget but then you kick him out the next day and he’s left there feeling like some used slut that you don’t even think twice about.”

Jason flinched, not liking the phrasing of that at all. “Jesus, has he talked to you about this before?” The very idea of Dick confiding in Roy, of all people, about their situation made him a little sick to his stomach. 

“A few times.” Roy nodded. “He and I are friends too, you know. He’d ask me if I knew how you felt about him. I never told him, but he was hoping really hard, Jay.”

Jason wanted to bury himself outside, let the worms eat him so he didn’t have to think anymore. “What am I supposed to do then, Roy?”

“You’ve got three options, from what I can see.”

“And those options are?”

“One; you leave things the way they are right now and you two never get closure so you drift apart until you never see each other again.” Roy replied, sounding as if he’d thought this over dozens of times. “Two; you man up and tell him how you feel and let yourself be happy for once. Or three; you tell him to give it up and let someone else come and sweep him off his feet, because I promise you there’s a line of people who would. Kori, Wally, that Midnighter guy, hell, maybe even  _ me _ .”

Jason’s head jerked around to fix his best friend with a small, warning glare. “Didn’t know you were in that line.”

“Jay, that line is so long that you’d be surprised by half the people in it.” Roy chuckled, amused, before he sighed a little bit. “I’m serious though. If you don’t do something about this someone else will catch him and then you’re going to hate yourself even more.”

Jason hated that Roy was right. He hated that there was an easy option right there in front of him, but he was too  _ scared  _ to take it. He groaned, rubbing his face with his hands before he bit his lip, glancing back at Roy. “What if I fuck it up? We try to make it work and it just...doesn’t?”

“Then it doesn’t work.” Roy said simply, shrugging. “Sometimes that happens, but you have to at least try before you give up on it. Give it a chance before you miss the opportunity entirely. Take it from me; it’s better to give it a shot, so you aren’t left with all these questions and wondering what it would have been like. You’ll only make each other miserable if you don’t at least try.”

Trying was the scary part, Jason knew. There were so many things that could go wrong and dear god, if he made Dick happy only to shatter his heart all over again he’d never forgive himself. But then, that’s exactly what he was doing right now, wasn’t it?

“God, I hate when you’re right.”

Roy blinked and smiled slightly. “Yeah, so you’ve said.” He murmured softly. “Someone’s gotta talk some sense into that head of yours, though, so it might as well be me.”

At least Roy had taken the time to talk that sense into him, Jason reasoned with himself hours later as he made his way down the hallway towards Dick’s apartment door. He sort of wished Roy was here, though, to talk some more courage into him and ease the tension that would surely be there when Dick saw him. Fighting scumbag villains? Jason could handle that alone any day. Changing his relationship with Dick, and possibly ruining any and all chances at ever being close with him again? Awful. Terrifying. Jason almost wanted to turn back and leave, but now he was in front of Dick’s door and he was knocking and oh god, it was too late. 

Waiting a month was a bad, bad idea, because the second the door opened and Dick’s blue eyes met his, Jason felt weak in the knees. Those blue eyes narrowed at him and Jason steeled his nerves. “Dick-”

“Go home.” Dick cut him off, voice cold, defensive. He didn’t even give Jason a chance to speak again, closing the door in record time. He heard the lock click not a second later.

...Well, that was fair. He supposed he deserved that. Jason knocked again, this time a little harder than before. “Dick, come on! Open the door!”

“Go  _ home _ , Jason!” Dick’s voice, slightly muffled from the other side of the door, made him huff. 

“Not happening!” Jason called back, glaring at the door. “Open the door and let me in, damn it!”

Dick didn’t grace him with a response this time and Jason suppressed a groan of irritation. If it weren’t for neighbors Jason would just kick the door open, but Dick was angry enough already. He didn’t need a broken door being added to his list of grievances against Jason. And Jason really didn’t want to have to pay for a new door for him, anyways. Luckily, there was always more than one way into a home, and Jason had no qualms against climbing in through a window. He did it plenty of times before, and he was  _ so  _ relieved to find Dick’s bedroom window unlocked. He eased it open slowly and slid inside, shutting it just as carefully as he had opened it. He could hear the shower running in the bathroom and snorted, a little amused that Dick had promptly ignored him, left him outside the front door and gotten into the shower. Again, though, Jason knew he deserved it. Hell, he’d be lucky if Dick didn’t murder him when he saw him in side the apartment to begin with. 

He strode out of Dick’s bedroom and went to the living room, veering towards the connected kitchen and leaning against the counter as he pulled out his phone. It was a weak distraction, checking social media while he waited for Dick to come out and either kill him, or yell at him. Or both. Not that he’d blame him, of course. And it was a good distraction because he didn’t even know Dick had left the shower until his voice startled him back to reality. 

“Did you come in through my  _ window _ ?” Dick looked utterly furious, wet hair sticking to the sides of his face, and water dripping down his wet torso only to be soaked up by the towel wrapped around his waist. “Seriously? What part of ‘go home’ do you not get?”

Jason shoved his phone back into his pocket and shrugged, not moving from his spot leaning up against the counter. “I understood all of it, I just didn’t want to listen. I came over here so we could talk.”

“A month later and you decide you want to talk?” Dick scoffed and shook his head. “Unbelievable…”

Dick started to head for his room and Jason pushed away from the counter, following him with wide, quick strides. He caught him right at the doorway and grabbed Dick by the wrist, pinning him to the wall beside the door by his arm. Dick jerked back, pressing back against the wall a little more as he tried to glare at him, but Jason was taller and broader and really, Dick didn’t look as scary as he hoped. 

Jason glared right back at him. “I mean it. I want to talk, Dick. I want to talk about...what you said.”

“I don’t  _ want  _ to talk about it.” Dick hissed softly. He was lying, of course; Jason could hear the tremor in his voice. “Let go of me.”

“Why, so you can storm off and ignore me?”

“Maybe!”

Jason growled under his breath, biting the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood on his tongue. “Will you just give me a chance to talk?”

“No.” Dick ripped his arm free, startling Jason a little, and he took the chance to shove him away and rush into his room. Yet again, a door slammed in Jason’s face before he had a chance to react.

But this time he was already inside the apartment and he didn’t plan on leaving until Dick let him talk to him. However long that took…

“Fine! Stay in your room if you want! I’m not leaving!” Jason strode over to Dick’s couch and flopped down onto it, scooping up the TV remote and turning something on. He needed some sort of background noise to keep his mind at bay, unless he really wanted the loud and angry thoughts to eat him alive. 

He half expected Dick to actually stay locked up in his room because, really, that seemed logical in this situation. He didn’t expect Dick to emerge after half an hour, eyeing him from the bedroom doorway. Jason only glanced at him for a moment before he looked back at the TV, keeping silent. Naturally, being loud and upfront about this wouldn't work. Sometimes Dick could be like a wild animal, startled by things that were too much too quickly. Jason knew this well and could wait, now that he took the time to calm himself down. He could be patient if that’s what it was going to take. 

Dick only eyed him for a second before he was on the move again, walking to his kitchen to make, what Jason assumed, would be dinner. He didn’t say a word to him and Jason let it be, watching whatever movie was playing on the TV. Some sort of action movie he was sure he’d seen with Roy a while ago. The noise of Dick moving around in the kitchen was...comforting. It almost felt like those rare mornings when Jason wouldn’t kick Dick out right away, and the older man would fret around Jason’s kitchen making breakfast for them both. It had always felt painfully mundane and domestic in a way that both warmed Jason’s heart, and froze the blood in his veins. 

Being  _ domestic  _ wasn’t something he ever expected he’d want, not until Dick started making him feel so warm and anxious. And then the month of no Dick passed and Jason felt ten times as anxious and empty. Damn him to hell. Him and his gorgeous blue eyes that always made Jason feel weak in the knees, and his pretty voice…

Jason wasn’t sure how long he ended up spacing out but all of a sudden Dick was, rather roughly, shoving a plate of pasta into his hands and sitting on the other end of the couch and being sure that not a single part of his body touched Jason. Well...being fed hadn’t been in the plan, but then again, Dick was never one to let him starve. He supposed he should have been at least a little thankful of that; he hadn’t eaten since that morning, and his stomach was killing him. But eating when Dick was ignoring him, avoiding touching him as if he had some sort of disease...it felt bad. Really bad. But, his desire to eat outweighed his guilt for the time being and the two of them ate in silence, whatever action movie that had been earlier finally ending, giving Dick the chance to reach for the remote and change it. Ah. Now they were watching a cartoon.

Jason was almost sure he’d lose his mind. 

The food was good, though. One of the few things Dick excelled at cooking was pasta, at least the more simple kinds. Jason found himself savoring every bite, just in case this really would be the last time Dick cooked for him. When he finished he leaned over to set his dishes on the living room table and looked towards Dick, locking eyes with him.

Dick seemed to stiffen for a second before he jerked his head towards the TV, frowning deeply. “You’re seriously going to just sit here until I talk to you?”

“Yeah.”

“And if I don’t?”

“Well, your couch is comfortable and you have a washing machine and food, so I’m set for days, at least.”

“God, you’re impossible.” Dick huffed and shot to his feet, collecting both of their dishes and going to the kitchen. 

Dick had spoken to him though and that was  _ something.  _ But Jason wasn’t sure what he’d do, really, if Dick retreated back to his bedroom. The fear was short lived though, as Dick came back into the living room and plopped back onto the couch, arms crossed as he tucked his legs underneath himself. “If you want to sit around my apartment all damn night then fine, be my guest.”

His expression was far from angry though. In fact, he sort of looked more pained, like the whole situation was driving him just as insane as it was driving Jason. Jason eyed him for a second before he shifted, laying against the arm of the couch and stretching his legs out until his toes were poking into Dick’s legs, and he gave a soft sigh. “Dick, just talk to me, Babe...please.”

Dick frowned, chewing his bottom lip for a second before, finally, he spoke up in a soft, tired voice. “What’s there to talk about? You know what I want and it isn’t what you want, Jay.”

Jason shifted and, when Dick didn’t move away from him, he slid closer to him. “Dick-”

“No, Jason.” Dick’s hand flew up to his face suddenly, wiping away tears that had started welling up in his eyes. “I just...I love you way too much to keep doing this no strings attached thing. It’s driving me insane and I...I don’t want to end up hating you because you’re such a big part of my life.” He turned to face Jason, blue eyes filled with more tears that made Jason’s chest ache. “I’m not strong enough to keep pretending I’m okay with all of this. I...I thought it would be fine at first because it meant I could be close to you but...you not caring, and you not feeling the same way for me is too much for me.”

Jason sucked in a breath and then sighed. “Dick, if I didn’t feel the same way would I be here right now?”

Dick blinked in surprise before he glanced aside, shrugging a little. “...Maybe? I don’t know, Jay, you don’t...tell me anything about how you feel. Or what you want. You just...let things happen and...I mean you never cared before, when I’d sleep with Kori or Wally or anyone else...and then out of nowhere you started getting weird and I...I thought you were jealous-”

“I was.” God, admitting that made Jason want to fall in a hole. He sucked in a deep breath, eyes closing as he took a second to place his words, and then he spoke slowly. “I was...really jealous, okay? And I acted like I wasn’t because...I don’t know, because if I let you know I was jealous then feelings would have gotten involved and I didn’t want that. Because I’m...I’m  _ me  _ and you can do so much better than me, Dick.”

Dick looked over at him, scowling, and it made Jason flinch just a little bit. “That isn’t  _ fair _ .” He mumbled to him, shaking his head as he brought a hand up to run his fingers through his hair. “You can’t just decide what’s good for me, Jay. I...I’m an adult, for christ’s sake. I can figure out what’s good for me on my own.”

“You don’t have a very good track record with that stuff.” Jason replied flatly. But, they weren’t yelling and Dick had seemed a bit calmer now. That was a good sign. He eyed the small amount of space between the two of them before he took a chance, coming closer. Their thighs pressed together as he leaned into Dick’s side, pausing for just a second before he let his hand rest on top of Dick’s thigh. “...You can do so much better than me, Dickie. What if this doesn’t work? What if we screw up?”

“You can’t just...let that fear keep you from trying.” Dick breathed. Jason could have sobbed in relief when Dick’s hand came to rest on top of his own. “I mean if we were really going to live our lives by that logic then we’re sort of in the wrong profession, don’t you think, Red Hood?”

Ah, well. Yeah, that was a good point. Jason still scoffed a little, though, and shifted a little so his body was turned more to face Dick. “I’m sorry.”

“...I am, too.” Dick murmured, glancing down at their hands, tearing his eyes away from Jason’s.

Jason wasn’t having that. He used his free hand to tilt Dick’s chin up, making those blue eyes meet his once again. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“Of course I do,” Dick mumbled, his face heating up when their eyes met again. “Making you jealous on purpose and all that...It was sort of a bitch move on my part.”

“Maybe, but I think I take the prize for being the biggest bitch here.” Jason cracked a small smile, leaning in until their foreheads pressed gently against one another’s. “...Wanna do this dating shit? Properly?”

“What do you think?” Dick chuckled quietly, one hand coming up to gently cup Jason’s cheek. He pressed a kiss to Jason’s lips, one that was so quick Jason barely had time to register it. “Of course I want to.”

Jason’s own face heated up as he blushed, grinning softly as he tugged the other into his lap. Dick squeaked in surprise and Jason chuckled softly, arms slipping around Dick’s waist as he pressed his face into the other’s chest gently. “I won’t mess it up this time.”

That, at least, was one promise Jason was going to make sure he kept.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for the read!!


End file.
